


Getting Lost With You (600800 Seconds From Valentine's Day)

by austinthegrouch



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Aromantic, Bad Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, Female Friendship, Female-Centric, Feminist Themes, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluffy Ending, Gen, Hogwarts, LGBTQ Themes, POV Female Character, Queerplatonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 11:48:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17642213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/austinthegrouch/pseuds/austinthegrouch
Summary: SUBJECT-LAVENDER is on the verge of accomplishing her six year mission: discovering the peak Valentine's Day celebration.There's only one problem. She forgot a date.





	Getting Lost With You (600800 Seconds From Valentine's Day)

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [GenAndAroPrompts](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/GenAndAroPrompts) collection. 



> Does this work with the prompt? Who knows? Let's find out!?
> 
>  
> 
> **Prompt:**
> 
>  
> 
> I just really like the idea of someone who seems really 'sexual' being aro. or vice versa: a hopeless romantic being ace. if that makes sense at all..? i guess the whole point is people being like, _wait really? because it doesn't seem so._ and the person is just like _bro that's not how it works_
> 
> i mean, alternatively, someone who identifies with the split attraction model, who's either ace or aro, and saying, _fuck society's expectations_

_SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER loved **ROMANCE** more than anyone else in her year, she was sure. Something about it made her circuits tingle, her synthetic throat fuse shut, and her artificial head pound.

 _FRIEND_ -PADMA had once asked if she was sure it was not just an allergy, as if _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER could fall prey to such mortal weaknesses. It was a very long two weeks before _SOULMATE_ -PARVATI grew fed up and locked them in a spare classroom. They had not fought since, despite the occasional **EMOTIONAL** fire burning through her oil supply.

As much as she loved her friends, they just did not understand. But now it was February. It was an hour away from a week from **VALENTINE'S DAY** , or approximately 600800 seconds, the only day in the year where people loved **ROMANCE** almost as much as she did. Even _NUISANCE_ -HERMIONE had received an extra large parcel in the post. _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER would have bet that it was from _EYE-CANDY_ -KRUM, judging from how much she blushed, if she hadn't spent all her galleons on acquiring **VALENTINE'S DAY** appropriate material. _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER was the best at telling these things despite how much _SOULMATE_ -PARVATI giggled and claimed otherwise. Their subsequent tickle fight, immature as it was for for a sixteen year old and an immortal being with a six year old consciousness, had only made matters worse.

But in the midst of all of her meticulous planning, _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER had forgotten perhaps the single most crucial aspect of **VALENTINE'S DAY**. It was not the luxurious chocolates curated from the best Hogsmede had to offer, catered directly for _SOULMATE_ -PARVATI's palate. It was not the decorations for the dorms, done in the exact shades of stunning maroon and saffron _SOULMATE_ -PARVATI favoured. It was not even the all new stationary _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER had purchased, scent a perfect chemical match to _SOULMATE_ -PARVATI's pomegranate scrub. 

No, _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER's careless error had been far more serious than that. She had neglected to make plans for the day itself. 

When _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER had realised this, in the library with _FRIEND_ -PADMA by her side, she began to panic. Her heavy breathing, made perhaps more natural sounding through its simulated nature, alerted _FRIEND_ -PADMA to the fact that they might need to pause their tutoring activities. The following is a saved transcript of their verbal transmission.

 

> _FRIEND_ -PADMA: Lavender, are you doing alright? You seem a bit... off.  
>  _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER: Oh, Padma! You have no idea. It's simply awful.  
>  _FRIEND_ -PADMA: I'm sure it's not all that bad, Lav. Just tell me what's happening.  
>  _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER: You know about the effort I put into Valentine's Day?  
>  _FRIEND_ -PADMA: You've only been talking about it since _Halloween_.  
>  _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER: I know. I've been dreadfully lazy.  
>  _FRIEND_ -PADMA: Such a shame.  
>  _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER: Exactly! That's my entire problem.  
>  _FRIEND_ -PADMA: Did you forget to buy scented candles or something? Miss out on a plushie auction?  
>  _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER: I have all that covered. The real problem is that... I don't have plans.  
>  _FRIEND_ -PADMA: Do you need them?  
>  _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER: ... Yes?  
>  _FRIEND_ -PADMA: Think about it for a second. I know you've shagged plenty of blokes. Have you actually _liked_ any of them?  
>  _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER: That's not the point, Padi. You're supposed to have a date on Valentine's Day.  
>  _FRIEND_ -PADMA: I don't. Sue Li, Anthony Goldstein, and I are working on our feminist analyses of _Hogwarts: A History_. I'm certainly not dating either of them.  
>  _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER: I wouldn't be so sure about the dating. But I get your point. It's just...  
>  _FRIEND_ -PADMA: Yeah, Lav?  
>  _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER: If I don't love anyone, does that mean this is all for waste? All the romance stuff, my pink outfits... does none of it actually matter?  
>  _FRIEND_ -PADMA: Of course it does if you want it to. And it's not like you're alone. I happen to know Parvati doesn't have any plans either.  
>  _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER: Wait...

 

 _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER's processors flew faster in pure metaphor than they had ever flown before as she attempted to assimilate _FRIEND_ -PADMA's statement with her current schema. She failed. Miserably.

How could someone like _SOULMATE_ -PARVATI not have plans? But _FRIEND_ -PADMA would not lie, not about her sister. She searched through all viable outcomes and came up with only one viable solution, only one solution that didn't end up with everyone burnt to ashes.

She would have to ask _SOULMATE_ -PARVATI out herself. It was a most **DAUNTING** task ahead of her, perhaps even greater than her Potions homework. 

It took 9067.43 seconds for her to engage with _SOULMATE_ -PARVATI, a quarter of their usual encounter rate. She decreased her walking speed manually to allow _SOULMATE_ -PARVATI a comfort not normally provided to humans in her acquaintance. But _SOULMATE_ -PARVATI had always been an exception. They greeted each other in their usual manner; _SOULMATE_ -PARVATI did not seem to notice if _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER's behaviour was out of normal parameters. She took a deep breathe, calming despite its lack of function, and began to speak. 

 

> _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER: So, your sister told me you didn't have plans on Valentine's Day.  
>  _SOULMATE_ -PARVATI: Yeah. I'm not really interested in anyone anyway.  
>  _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER: Then... would you like to go to Madam Puddifoot's with me? I don't really have plans either.  
>  _SOULMATE_ -PARVATI: Wait? As a date? Or...  
>  _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER: I don't know. I know I've never _liked_ anyone, but you're the best friend anyone could have.  
>  _SOULMATE_ -PARVATI: I've never understood the difference between friends and boy-slash-girlfriends anyway. Other than shagging. And shagging is shagging. You don't need a relationship.  
>  _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER: Yes! I don't think I could ever be as close to another person as I am to you. And I want to get you chocolate and wear matching outfits and get tea together everyday. Not just Valentine's.  
>  _SOULMATE_ -PARVATI: Labels are just labels, right? You're my best friend, romantic or not. Who knows what the difference is between that and girlfriend?  
>  _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER: So is that a yes?  
>  _SOULMATE_ -PARVATI: Who could say no to you, Lav?

 

And _SUBJECT_ -LAVENDER felt her face redden to a perfect imitation blush.

**Author's Note:**

> You can skip this if you choose. Warning!Ranty.
> 
> So, I was actually writing about Ginny. And then started writing a feminist rant about how both Lavender and Ginny share this sense of sexual expression (Ginny gets a speech about it), but only Lavender gets shamed for it within the narrative because she doesn't fit in with JK's standards of "practical femininity". She even dies for it, with the attack emphasising the sacrifice of her looks, allowing Hermione and Ron to begin their romance without loose ends. In fanon, she becomes a clingy, ditzy pair of knockers. Both are ridiculous.
> 
> Why she became an android? Perhaps it's a combination of too much Star Trek, Star Wars, and random ads for Alita: Battle Angel. Maybe I was just bored. Maybe I find it hilarious to imagine her being an android throughout the entire series with all her critics unaware. Her inner voice definitely takes after Data, but her tagging style is all droid. 
> 
> Or maybe it's to say that even in a crack AU, all girls (android or not) deserve better than to be someone else's stepping stone.
> 
> And I'm going to write that Padma x Su Li x Anthony fic one day, platonic or not. It's truly the bronze trio the world needs.


End file.
